September 8, 2008

I mustn't

think about who was supposed to walk me down the aisle next week. I'll have to ignore the lump in my throat. I mustn't think about how proud he'd be, and when I dance with my mother I can't think about how we would have danced to "My Girl." We never said that would be our song, but I know it would have been. I mustn't think about it though. If I do, I'll surely lose it. I'll have to ignore how much his brothers do and do not resemble him and the fact that there is a seat missing at their table. I'll not stare too long at the pictures in the slide show or the memory table that will have his happy face in a frame along side Raphael's mother's.

It's supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life after all and the memory of my father will already be making most of the traditions bitter sweet. So, I'm trying to get out all of these thoughts out now, in fact, I've already cried about it and again right now. I just don't want to feel sorry for myself on the day of. I'll continue to repeat Scarlett O'Hara's mantra, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."

At least I'll have my mother there, who in many ways acted a father's role, so I'll take pride and courage in that.

15 comments

  1. The memory table is such a nice way to honor your father.

    And if you do cry on your big day, I don't think it's a bad thing at all. There is no shame in crying (I told my husband that he needed to pack a whole bunch of kleenex in his tuxedo jacket since I wouldn't have a place to put any).

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  2. You can cry if you want to. It's your day. And you know he would have been there. It will be hard for you, but your day will still be happy b/c you'll look next to you and there will be Raphael. {{Hugs}}

    ~SL

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  3. I cannot think of a greater gift to your father's legacy than to have a daughter as awesome as yourself. I have no doubt he is truly proud and I like to think he'll be there on the day, cheering you on.

    Don't fear about shedding a tear for him -- I think that's wonderful. I hope someone sheds a tear for me some day in remembrance, too, because then I will have touched someone in this life, and I consider that successful.

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  4. It's ok to cry on your day, and if you then I'll (we'll) cry with you. You'll be surrounded by people who love you. =)

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  5. Awwww.... It is definitely okay to cry now and even on the day of your wedding. It is the greatest things about love and sharing love. The happy times mixed with sad times just reminds you what pure joy is.

    I hope that you have the wedding of your dreams next week.

    Congrats :)

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  6. it is totally okay to cry tara. and just know that he'll be looking over you and wishing you the absolute best :)

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  7. As my bridesmaid duty, I will make sure I have tissue on hand just in case. ((HUGS))

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  8. My heart goes out to you. My sister got married a few years after our father died and it was really hard for both of us.

    Just remember it's okay to cry and it will be a happy day even if you do.

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  9. He will surely be looking down on you as a proud father that day!

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  10. What makes you so sure he would be happy with this guy you are marrying?

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  11. I understand. There is no shame in crying.

    Your dad would be so proud of the woman you have turned out to be and of the choice you have made in a man.

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  12. Tara, this is a very touching post. I will have a similarly difficult time when I get married next year, thinking about my stepdad.

    Do what you need to do to get through it. I'm sure your dad would be so incredibly proud of all that you have accomplished and of the beautiful bride you will be.

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  13. Tara, just think, that Dad will be watching you through my eyes. I am very proud to be walking you down the aisle and Dad will be there in spirit!

    I love you. Mom

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  14. look who is on this site, the most technically challenged person you probably know. I just had to respond to this.You musn't be sad, your life has turned out exactly the way your dad would have wanted it to be and he's not waiting, he's already celebrating, he will be there!!! so proud to know you, bert

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  15. My brother got married last week, and the bride's mother passed away in May 2008. She was definitely in our thoughts. Your dad will be there with you in spirit, and being really happy for your and Raphael. And on your wedding day, you are allowed to cry as much as you want! Just bring lots of tissues and make sure everyone has some just in case.I forgot to give them out to them!

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