That old familiar pain

12 years ago today I lost my father. One minute I'm saying goodnight to him on the phone and by the morning he was gone. Just like that, I no longer had a dad. The oddest part was that everything changed, but everything else was still the same. It was so eerie. Like I had entered a mirror version of my world, where everything looked the same and was continuing on like usual, but something was backwards, flipped, and I was the only one noticing. I was so wounded for so long that I don't normally let myself revisit that day, or the weeks after when I wrote this heartbreaking poem or those lonely years after, only on his birthday and today's anniversary. So, today is my day of full on melancholy. Bring it...that old familiar pain.

I put the below memorium in the Westchester Journal for his friends and family to see and remember. It runs tomorrow.


  1.,January 24, 2012 at 12:12 PM

    You're a wonderful daughter.
    I'm so proud of you.
    I know he is too!

  2. That poem is beautiful and haunting and touching.

    Someone once said that if it didn't hurt so much, it would mean that they didn't mean anything to us, so the pain is a reminder of how much they were in our lives. That doesn't make it any easier, though.

    I have no doubt that he's incredibly proud of what an awesome daughter he has. I would be. Many hugs and thoughts with you, dear friend.

  3. Even though I never met Benny, I feel like I know him through you. He would be so proud of you and all your accomplishments...lots of love

  4. @Nathan - That was beautiful, thank you!