The girl upstairs wears ski boots!

Thursday, January 6, 2005

At least it sounds like she does and she also enjoys rearranging furniture on her spare time, which she seems to have plenty of. Another hobby of hers is to invite lots of friends over, talk in the hallways and carry an antique bicycle up and down the stairs while laughing.

My sleuthing has uncovered that she's twenty-something like me, but I think she's on the older part of the spectrum. She definitely does not have a 9 to 5 job, given the fact that she never wakes up before 9 a.m. I think she might work somewhere in the fashion or music industry, because her outfits are very tutu-like, not corporate, and she constantly plays instruments and her radio at all hours. She also gets fashion magazines that always seem to end up in my mailbox. She could also be a trust fund baby, because her apartment is newly renovated and packed with high end technology and furniture and I never see her doing any real work of any sort. She seems to use the apartment as a place to party and crash. Luckily for me, I think she has a boyfriend and spends most of her time at his place.

Apparently she doesn't think it's rude to play her electric guitar or keyboard at 1:20 in the morning on a weekday, it's not like anyone in our building has to get up early for work or anything. Urghh, I can't imagine being so inconsiderate to my neighbors.

The base from her sound system vibrates my walls and can be heard even through my ear plugs. I think I'd die laughing if "These Boots Are Made For Walking" ever played. I've only banged on the ceiling twice, when it was past 1 a.m. and the female dog had the nerve to pound back with her ski boot laden feet. I feel like I'm back in a college dorm room.

Last night she kept time with the music by tapping her foot on the floor. I was even able to guess a few of the songs from the tapping beat. Keep in mind, when I'm sleeping my head is only a foot below the cieling.

When I do finally end up falling asleep I dream of schemes for REVENGE! They are as followed:

1. The instant gratification plan: When leaving the building in the morning on my way to work, usually around 8ish, I could ring her buzzer, waking her up since she is never up before 10 a.m., and then quickly walk to the subway station.

2. The It's mine I keep it now plan: The next time I get her mail, I will not go upstairs and put it on her door mat. As the SNL sketch goes, "It's mine, I keep it now!"

3. The I could go to jail plan: Climb up the fire escape that we both share with a pair of scissors, hope her window is open, sneak in and cut the strings of her guitar.

4. The if I had a lot of money plan: While ski boot girl is out of her apartment, pay a carpet company to lay carpet all throughout her place to act as a sound buffer, even in her kitchen. I'd order white carpet to go with her sterile hospital-white walls that are so bright they hurt my eyes whenever she opens the door. But then again if I had enough extra money to lay down carpet in her place, I could simply use the money to move elsewhere, on the top floor with nobody above me. My luck though, the roof would also be used as some rich guys helicopter pad.

5. The Apartment Building Secret Santa Plan:
I buy a one size fits all slippers and leave them at her door like a little apartment building gift exchange. Then she can start wearing the slippers when stomping around her apartment, since for some reason she needs to have shoes on at all times at all hours. She even wears heels after midnight when just chilling around her apartment. I just don't get it, the first thing I do when I come home is to ditch my heels and pad around barefoot or with socks.

Note: I have not acted on any of these plans and no I'm not a psycho, but a couple more sleepless nights and I could come close to being one...

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