April 27, 2009

Saying goodbye

On Friday, I had to do something that I've been dreading since I was a little girl. I had to say goodbye to my Nanny. I used to cry when leaving her house as a kid, always dreading losing her. Two months shy of her 90th birthday my Nanny fell down the stairs and into a coma for the last two weeks. She stayed on long enough to lock eyes on my mother and I for a good 20 minutes as through tears and sobs I rushed out to say everything she already knew, but that I needed to say again just in case. I was told that after we left, she didn't open her eyes again. A day and a half later she passed away. I'd like to think she was waiting to say goodbye to me too, although she couldn't talk, her blue eyes said it all as they fixated on us as we moved about her and rambled on and stroked her hair.

To me, my nanny was everything that was good in this world or as she would say, sugar and spice and everything nice. She helped take care of me since I was a few weeks old and we've been inseparable ever since. A part of me is her thanks to her influence growing up. But after seeing her in the condition that I last saw her in, I'm not crying that God took her, I'm crying for myself. For the friend I lost and now being in a world where my Nanny isn't there to love me. I can only be thankful that she was in my life to begin with, that I got to say goodbye and that she was able to attend my wedding and meet my husband.

I'm still in shock thoughright now, but I'm no stranger to grief and know that although I'm crying now, it will really hurt later down the road when I see something that reminds me of my Nanny and will feel that pain come to life again. God bless you Nanny, I'll love you forever.

19 comments

  1. Oh, honey, I'm sorry that your Nanny's gone, but I'm so glad that you were able to see her one last time. She was a wonderful woman and she loved you so much. You were lucky to have each other.

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  2. God bless you Evelyn, we will miss your wonderful laugh and complete benevolence. Rest in peace. May God welcome you into his Kingdom.

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  3. I'm so sorry for your loss. My grandma is 86 and I know her time is limited and it makes me sad. She's the best grandma a person could have. Just remember all the happy times you had with her.

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss. Good thoughts go with you and your family, and what a great thing that you were able to experience the life of someone so wonderful as your Nanny. Hugs!

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  5. Tara, I am so sorry for your loss my deepest condolences to you, it was a pleasure meeting her. Im glad she made the trip to El Paso, and that she shared "your special day" with you. Her love will shine every day within you. God Bless you sweet sister. xoxo your sis in law Irene

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  6. I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how old someone gets, there will always be a part of us that believe that the people we love can live forever. Of course you know this, but you were amazingly blessed to have had her in your life.

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  7. I definitely believe she was waiting to say goodbye to you! I'm so glad you had such a wonderful woman in your life! God bless you and cherish the memories Tara!

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  8. aw tara i'm so sorry, i can't even imagine how hard it must be. *hugs*

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  9. Tara, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Nanny!

    (((Hugs)))

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  10. audrey@thewoodmontgroup.comApril 30, 2009 at 3:30 PM

    We were very blessed to have her in our life. I'll miss her forever.

    Mom

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  11. I'm so sorry for your loss, Tara. I'm sure she knew what you were saying and waited.

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  12. Oh gosh, I am crying so hard right now after reading this. My grandma is my world, too....she is my heart. I am also dreading this day as she gets older (she's 88).

    My heart goes out to you...I am so, very sorry. And I know the timing is going to be that much harder for you with Mother's Day coming up.

    I'll be praying for you now, and especially on that day. I hope the memories that you shared with her will offer you some peace and comfort. *hug*

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  14. My condolences to you and your family. Your blog brought me to tears as my "abuela" is everything to me and my family. What is it about these strong, caring women that sets them apart.. My grandma raised me to be the wise, independent woman I am today and I can only hope she'll be around to watch me get married and have children. My heart goes out to you!

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  15. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

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  16. Tara, I'm so sorry for your loss and that I am late seeing this! I know how much your Nanny meant to you and I'm so sorry that she's gone. I'm glad you got to say goodbye and see her again.

    Drea

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  17. This is a sweet reflection of your life with her. I'm sorry for your loss but what a blessing to have those last moments with her!

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  18. It's so refreshing to read about great family bonds, but I'm sorry for your loss.

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