Hope

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Should I blog about this or not? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself since this whole thing started. In answer to my question, Raphael said “I don’t know this is pretty personal, but then again your blog is about you.” So here I go.

Last week I had a colposcopy, not to be confused with a colonoscopy. My pap had come back abnormal and showing mild dysplasia, so they wanted to remove some pre-cancerous biopsies from my cervix to examine the extent of the abnormalities. I was of course stressed about it going into it and the entire week prior. I was told they would put vinegar on my cervix to examine trouble spots, then do a needle extraction and scrape my cervix all while I was there awake, spread eagle. The procedure was uncomfortable to say the least and it didn’t help that I fainted during it and woke up confused and in pain on an examination table. They had to use smelling salts to revive me. Raphael was there to take me home and for the next several days I experienced some cramping and bleeding. I also couldn’t workout for a week. But I at least thought the coloscopy would have been the end of it.

Anyway, my cells were sent to the lab and a week later I got a call from my doctor (not the assistant but the doctor herself, not a good sign) and she said that the results came back higher than she liked and now it looked like I had severe dysplasia and needed another procedure done immediately. So now I have to get a LEEP done in August, which removes parts of my cervix with lasers in a sort of an electrical wire loop. Lovely. Luckily, this won’t affect my future child bearing, however women who’ve had this procedure usually have weaker cervixes and earlier labors, which given my frailness I’m sure would have been the case anyway. For this procedure the full recovery time is six weeks (no hot tubs, no tampons, no …) but this will hopefully prevent the pre-cancerous cells from getting any worse and turning into the C word. This has to be done, I keep telling myself and I’m trying not to get too freaked out about it all. Just upset I have to deal with this. Ah, well.

Thus, ladies under 26 go get your Gardasil shots to help prevent some cases of cervical cancer, it’s a series of three shots in six months. I was actually aiming to get them done during my next visit, but then got the call about my test.  

Ironically, after I hung up the phone with my doctor, trying to process this all. In my inbox popped up this week’s Blog Off word and it’s HOPE. So, I’m taking that as a good sign, as I hope this time the procedure will be the end of it, that I’ll be ok and that it will all soon be a distant memory a year from now. I hope, I hope, I hope.

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