Another grief milestone

Today, my dad would have turned 63, yet he never saw his 46th. This year though marks another milestone. And I think it deserves its own line. Wait for it ...

I have now lived the same amount of time without my dad as I did with him alive. 

*boom* mind blown. At least mine has been since the ball dropped and revealed the year 2017. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that I had the first 17 years of my life with him and now 17 years without him.

When I think about those first few years of raw grief after he passed, I know I could never have fathomed that this day would actually come and yet here it is. And wouldn't you know, the sun is still shining and life has ruthlessly gone on.

Thankfully, his blood runs in the veins of my boys, yet he is not here and hasn't been in 17 years. You'd think that amount of time would feel like forever and in some ways it does, but it also doesn't. Thinking of him can still make me feel like the little girl he helped mold. In fact, my poignant post only two years ago, To the 15 years ago Me still rings true as ever. I cried re-reading it this morning and going through the paltry few photos that I have of him.

My sister and my dad.

I guess the next milestone (not rushing it!) will eventually be turning 45 and outliving him.

Related: My Boys Are Now The Age When My Sister Died