"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend." -Red Shawshank Redemption For the last six year (shit has it been six years?) January's have been a difficult month for me. It brings memories and flashbacks of last holidays celebrated with my dad and then later his unexpected passing while I was home watching the Golden Globes hoping Friends would win and planning on seeing my dad the following day after school like always--neither happened. The night I found out that he died in his sleep drowning in his own fluid that was filling in his lungs, there was a terrible snow storm making the funeral a few days later even more miserable and difficult to accomplish. Four days afterwards I tried not holding my breath or scream as I passed his coffin, climbed the carpeted church steps and gave his eulogy at the high perched podium. Two weeks later, my mother took me to Cancun to help clear our heads and try to get us far away from where we were. It helped, her gesture and bonding even more so. Yesterday I went to a friend's father's wake, seeing her pain brought that week even more to mind. This Tuesday is the 6th anniversary since my dad's death (he'd only be 51) Tomorrow we leave for St. Kitts away from the cold, away from familiar surroundings. My mom and stepdad are going for 7 days but I'm only tagging along for four.